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7 Super Bowl food prices ranked by how angry they make me

At this point everyone is well aware of how ridiculous Super Bowl concessions prices are, but last year’s incredible reprieve from gouging in Atlanta made the game in Miami serve as a shock to the system.

We did our best to come up with vaguely budget-conscious menus for people attending the game, but this menu of seafood is so over the top I’m actually kind of angry about it. This is because I am an irrational person who gets upset over things that don’t directly affect me, which you could call a character flaw, but I prefer to refer to it as “empathy.”

These are the items that made me the most upset:

No. 1: Stone Crab Claw Cocktail — EIGHTY-FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS

Stone Crab is exceptionally expensive, I understand this — but ultimately the cocktail is less a case of product and more execution. A casual Google search led me to this Miami Beach restaurant which charges $69.95 for five “large” claws.

Now look, I will never ever disparage the hard-working people of concessions stands. I was one of them, working in a long line of movie theater jobs. However, I do not trust their ability to prepare stone crab well. This is all just a rip off and I hate it.


This is purely me complaining that sauerkraut is a $2 up-charge. This should be a free condiment like it is at any deserving hot dog place. You’re already spending $12 on a hot dog, the least they could do is throw in a little free pickled cabbage.

No. 3: Glass of Champagne — TWENTY-FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS

Just stop.

No. 4: Lay’s Potato Chips — SIX AMERICAN DOLLARS

Seriously, stop.

No. 5: Sabra Hummus Chips — SIX AMERICAN DOLLARS

This makes me angry because I keep this item stocked in my house fairly regularly. It costs me roughly $2. This requires no preparation. No effort. The reward for trying to be low-impact is a 300 percent markup.

No. 6: BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich — TWELVE AMERICAN DOLLARS

I live in eastern North Carolina. If there’s one thing I know, it’s good pulled pork. I will wager every cent in my bank account that this sandwich is terrible. For the same price I can go to the BBQ joint around the corner and get a pound of pulled pork, six buns, a large order of fries, hushpuppies and green beans.

No. 7: Carved Beef Tenderloin Sandwich — TWENTY-EIGHT AMERICAN DOLLARS

This is a high-dollar item, sure — but, much like the stone crab, I have a feeling it would be well done and unsatisfying.

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